Friday, May 07, 2004 @5/07/2004 10:00:00 PM
Wondering what are you doing now... why didn't u come to school today... dying to know... if by chance you are reading this.. and if u can.. hope u will tell me.. i know i no longer in the position to know.. but i'm dead worried.. pls pls pls.. take care of yourself............ everything has already ended.. and i don't think there'll be anymore "you" entry..... at least i heard it from you.. what more can i say.... i can say nuts.. probably i should be thankful.. if i didn't 'force' u to say what is going in your mind.. i'll never know.... yup.. i have been a total disappointment to you.. i didn't understand you at all.. i treated u as my substitute.. u're not in my top few priority.... oh man..... u're right to say that i didn't understand u.. but treating u as my subtitute is totally no-no.. u probably think that i pangseh u because of my friends.. that's a totally wrong.. u got it all wrong.. u can ask them.. whether i put u or them as my priority.. everyone knows i'm in love with u.. except for u i guess.. well.. i tried not to make the mistakes i made in my past relationship.. ensuring that we must talk it out.. but yeah.. now i know my intentions turn out to be a big mistake.. leading to a breakup.. we've failed to open up time n time again.. both are as stubborn.. but i dare say i've tried many many times to open up... whatever i have told u.. u probably think that it's just some nonsense.. but sometimes it does take much courage to do so.. or at least for me... take for example.. all those "i love you"....... it ain't ez.. as i've told u.. i nv really say it to anyone else before.. i sure didn't understand u well... u said my actions proved that u don't stand a place in my heart.. i thought it wouldn't be nice to keep looking for you as u said before we're keeping it low profile and i don't wanna get u into trouble.. n i'm worried that if i were to look for u too often.. u'll be irritated.. ok this may be my own paranoid nonsense... but my intention wasn't anything that u thought.. i just didn't wanna get u into trouble..i know you went thru a lot for us to get together.. n i dont wanna screw it too.. again.. my intention turns out to screw things up more.. as days went pass... i disappoint u more n more.. why didn't u tell me earlier.. so i'll disappoint u less n less.. went to school today.. didn't see u.. shocked.. very shocked.. don't thing u haf ever missed school before... dead worried.. but u claimed you're fine.. after pe i didn't go for lessons.. didn't know what i was doing.. feeling so damn low..... bluff yit that i'm sick.. got caught by praeman.. but i didn't really care..... friends around me were very very supportive.. forcing me to cry out loud.. but i just can't bring myself to.. i did tear a few times.. but nv let it out.. some asked me to stop putting a strong front when i'm not.. oh Lord.. what can i do to save myself from all these.. i really dunno how to react..whole day just starring into space at the cafe.... tearing.. not doing anything until now although there is SAT tml.. until now.. i dunno what u are thinking.. i really love you.. but if this is what i deserved.. i'll haf to move on... that's the only solution to you.. i'll hafta respect that.. i myself can't think of anything..... asked u if u could tell me what i can do..... nothing...... i really wanna know...... but seems like everything is too late.. u've alr decided... wonder if u really meant it.. or were u under-pressure.. i seriously think that there's a problem of miscommunication.. which then lead to misunderstanding......... really thank God for getting us tog for these 2+ months.. didn't even expect that we'll be together.. it's indeed a wonderful one.. thanks for the times u stood by me when i was down.. thanks for the times u motivated me.. thanks for the times u sent me home.. thanks for the things u've bought for me... thanks for the time u held my hands.. thanks for the time we hugged.. thanks for the time we kissed.. thanks for the chicken macoroni.....most importantly.. thanks for loving me.. Lord.. what can i do... maybe everything is just too late.. n i've only got myself to blame.. i really miss u... don't really want to.. but i do.. i'm sorry blog.. i think i'm treating blog as a substitute.. most of the time only when i feel down then i'll come confide in you.. this is where i don't hafta put a strong front.. just saying what i wanna say.. i don't know what we'll do when we see eachother.. whether i'll smile or cry.. i dunno.... i know i keep saying this.. pls do take care..
I'm not a perfect person
As many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you
I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
That's why I need you to hear
I've found a resaon for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you
And the reason is you
And the reason is you
And the reason is you
I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you
I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you
-Hoobastank, "The Reason"-
♥ there's not a place
in heaven that we cant reach