Friday, June 11, 2004 @6/11/2004 01:37:00 AM
Why? i'm a selfish pig (kk.. for ppl who know me will probably agree) why didn't i suggested to leave when it was getting late n he was tired n having cramps all over his body..instead.. i chose to spent a lil bit more time talking nonsense and later even suggested to go for a drink.. n in e end he reached home at 12++mn.. my original plan was to make him get home by 2200.... selfish me.. just hoping to spend more time with him instead of letting him go home earlier n rest.. we're supposed to just meet for dinner.. what's wrong with me.. when i called him to ensure that he reached home safely.. he didn't ans his phone.. i got scared... worried that something might happened to him.. what if he'd gotten some terrible cramp and couldn't walk home (k.. think i worry too much..) what if this.. what if that.. waited.. he finally called.. Thank God.. RELIEF.. for that moment.. i told myself he's the best thing that happens in my life.. why issit only until now then i realise that.. i mean.. all along.. when i'm feeling good or bad.. he will be there for me.. plus sending me home.. plus meeting up with me at tamp.. when he stays at the other part of S'pore.. I'm blessed with him.. but man.. i seem to be taking him for granted.. i think i am.. yea.. i am..selfish pig.. what have i done for him.. almost nothing.. or issit nothing? i think nothing.. fish! really nothing.. besides some stars n friendship band (which i don't think he'll want.. but i'll still give it to him) ZI WEI U SUX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! what's wrong with me.. totally sucks to the max.. always hoping that he'll do things for me when i myself never.. always getting paranoid when he didn't do anything.. sometimes just talking to girls can piss me off.. couldn't even give him a proper sunshine smile just now..despite the fact that he has done so much for me.. i still doubt him..I am getting on my nerves.. He's someone whom i don't wanna lose.. n yet.. i'm not doing enough to ensure that i'll not lose him... sometimes when i get piss with him for nothing.. i get piss with myself.. i don't understand myself.. heartless shit.. sometimes i'll show him attitude when i'm with him.. HELLO?????? He came all the way to the east to look for u n is this how to treat him??? FISH U! what's wrong with mee..... i hate myself... there's something that goes "U do not haf the right to love someone unless u learnt to love yourself" Hmmm.. that's probably why i sux.. i hate myself.. how the hell will i know how to love him.. fish..... every meeting with him is like a dream.. my heart just melts everytime i see him.. later i'll go into a dream.. sometimes not even realising what i'm doing or saying.. it's like i'm unconscious.. yet i wanna make conscious effort to show that i love him.. kk.. my english is bad.. FISH! more beer pls...wadda hell.. i always dislike ppl who rely on ciggs when they're feeling low or whatsoever... seems like i'm slowly relying on beer.. what's the Fishing dIFF i am from them?! He deserves much better and i can't even give him the "minimum requirements".. if only there's a list of rules to follow.. telling me what are the "minimum requirements".. think i'll be gladly do it.. <-- look what Singapore education haf done to me... i dunno what are the minimum requirements and i dunno how to weigh... i dunno what i do will be considered as irritating or nice by him..i'm afraid to make mistakes.. scared that i'll piss him off and that's the end of it.. wouldn't it be worse..... k la.. whatever.. i'm tired.. goodnite, ms 'selfish'
♥ there's not a place
in heaven that we cant reach