Tuesday, October 11, 2005 @10/11/2005 09:02:00 AM
1 day of rest was great (despite the numerous assignmens i have to do).. make me "calm down" and think alot.. Sava sprint was definitely a wake up call for me that my physical is super not there and i need to bloody train up before regatta.. i got so many things to touch up on my rowing.
Blade angle, pulling arm straight, sitting up straight, TWIST! Was so tired during rowing that i couldn't even cheer along with the team.. wadda hell..
i need to train up. I regretted breaking down when cheehong didn't put me in for the 2nd time. The night before this happened i actually dreamed that cheehong didn't put me in. So when the first time he called me out i knew it, from the past trainings i had been pin-pointed at (i don't mean it the bad way) even on the day itself my shadow rowing sucked a big time. I just knew it.
I knew i'm not rowing well. When i broke down, some seniors came to gimme a hug while those who weren't rowing were comforting me (shame on me). Theresa kinda told me off. She said there was nothing to cry about as we are one team and we can feel with them.
I really feel bad that I'm more of an individual person. But what i think is that if u urself can't get ur basic (rowing) right, how you think about the team? Anyway another of the juniors was comforting me as well she was like telling theresa "i understand how it feels".. I felt bad once again.. cos i didn't really like her.. but during my down time she actually came over and gave me a hug.. very much appreciate it.. and i told myself that there are quite a few of them who rarely get a chance to row.. NTU even worse.. the juniors didn't get to row.. I'm alr very lucky.. Maybe if i was selected to row, by now i haven't even wake up my idea cos i will be thinking that i'm doing fine. The next day when cheehong put me in, i didn't know whether it was because i cried e day b4 (i hope he didn't see me crying).. i regretted crying.. now i hafta think if cheehong really put me in cos he believe in me or was it out of sympathy. 2nd day 1000m race, raine was like screaming at me "2nd PACERS!!!!!!!!!", " ZIWEIIIIIII TIMINGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!" (not angry with her, just tt my rowing suck) but that feeling was like F***. was looking at grace.. when she shouted at me the 2nd time i decided to look at her instead. Still kena screamed. how shitty is that. I currently neither fit to be in the front pack, nor mid pack, back pack even more no need to say. There's this particular person when i row with her she nv ever talked to me on e boat. There only 1 thing she'll tell me "water?". i dunno why she's liddat. but it just kept me wondering.. cos she seems to be fine with the rest. I think i look unapproachable. or issit unfriendly.
Was impressed by the NUS guys.. their rowing was really WOW.. and i look up to NTU gurls as well.. Their strokes are real clean.. To be able to match up with them we really got a lot more to do.. oh man............ this kinda suck.. lol..
Millions of thanks to those who came to talk to me when i felt alone. Millions of thanks to those who standby me at my "downest" time. and to those seniors that i really look up to.. I really wanna row like you all and as +ve and encouraging as you all..
♥ there's not a place
in heaven that we cant reach