Tuesday, December 20, 2005 @12/20/2005 12:48:00 AM
Alright. It's been almost a week since i last blogged. lol. My hols have been full of outings. Almost everyday.. but of cos i didn't go for some.. 2 reasons: 1. Don't want my parents to nag. Somemore I'm spending their $. 2. No money. Budden when I stay at home I feel like a good-for-nothing. Like everyone's at work except me. Wake up late, makan breakfast, watch tv, iron clothes, sweep floor *if i good mood*, read story book sleep, etc. Plus if I get really bored, I get really nasty then my parents suffer. So i'll try to walk ard, look for something to do. But usually I end up walking a few rounds ard my hse, waiting for time to pass. When 6 pm strikes, I will tell my mum "I wanna go jog." when i'm still lazing on the sofa. Then I will add "But I lazy leh. How." Then she, being protective as usual, will say "then don't jog la." Then I will be like "Cannot leh, others jog alot. I cannot be so slack." After saying so much, I decide not to run and continue lazing on my sofa. Guilty, I will end up doing some situps on the sofa. Bloody slacker. Went to enquire bout guitar lessons at changkat cc but they started their lessons alr. Shall wait for the next class to start.
Canoeing star1 course wasn't as easy as I thought it will be. Negative me started thinking that I suck at sea sports. Can't even climb up the bloody canoe properly. Can't believe we're gonna do competitive canoeing for 2 mths. But yeap, I can feel the water more now, I think. Trainings never fail to set me into deep thoughts. I'm still asking "Am I cut out for this?" When people ask me "How's training?" I'll just go "sucks." Then my sis will ask me with the irritated tone "So tough then u join for what." This hits me too. I think it hits most db ppl also. I think n think, why why.. I wanna quit. When u join something, u should have a passion for it. For now, I don't think I have the passsion for dragonboating. I started going back to the very super basic question "Why did I join DB?" Ok. It started off when I saw this person (u should know who if i told u b4) at tioman who was wearing guo da long zhou jersey. N i thought that she's damn zai. But ultimately, I wanted to join just to see how far I can push myself. Is this the max I can go? or can I go further? If I don't stay, I won't know. This whole sem, I don't have a main focus on what I want to achieve, probably just going through the motion. If u want me to run further, ok. If u want me to do more pushups, ok. Eh, provided if I can la. What i'm trying to say is that I just have the do-i-have-a-choice attitude. But in fact I do. Sorry, I'm forever contradicting myself. I constantly have the thought of quitting but when I look at my paddle ($70.. ), my aim to run standard chartered 1/2 marathorn next yr, my 1/2 uni life spent on db, my unfulfilled dream of winning, some nice ppl i met here, and
who wants to be seen as quitters.
Uni life is kinda the last part of my studying life. I wanna make full use of it.
I wanna achieve more, party hard, study hard, basically do whatever a student can do. I really enjoy studying, esp in fass.. the things we study are somehow very interesting. I don't like working, or at least in an office. It's full of corrupted people. Yucks. That's why I always wanted to take over my dad biz. Or thinking of becoming a policewoman. I always impress by how my pa is so supportive of me being a policewoman. Everytime I tell him that he'll go "Zuo4 jing3 cha2 hao3..." I tried it again today. He said the same thing. Same for my mum, as in she says the same thing. She says I'll be too timid n may shoot the wrong person, etc. My parents, being hawkers, always have this ideal picture of ppl working in office. Sit down in an air-conditioned office, have weekends off, CPF, Bonuses, etc. But I think that ultimately is whether you're enjoying what u're doing or not. I'm quite afraid of the future. I think I'll end up in an office job. Worse, unemployed!!.
Like seriously, Why am I talking about all this!! Ciao!